So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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