Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
