Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Non-Jews are for practice
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
