I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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