OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
