i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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