New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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