I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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