come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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