can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
