Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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