If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
