Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
