you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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