We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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