i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize