i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
