Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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