From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
