Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
