are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You may now shotgun with the bride
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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