drunk tastebuds have low standards.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
