Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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