I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
