i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
