If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
