she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
cat food counts as protein by the way
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You need Xanax blowdarts
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
