I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
