My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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