I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
