Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
