Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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