And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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