The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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