What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
