just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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