You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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