I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
