I am puke
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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