Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
