I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The ass gains better be worth it
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