saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
