Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
