I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
