I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
