She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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