if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
