why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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