one might say we're banned from that church
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
