I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize