everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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