I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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