Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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