youre lurking in front of me
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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