would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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