im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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