im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
