He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
