think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
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