she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
