So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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