I met the friendliest cop last night
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
