I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
