I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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