We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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