Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Banned from zoo.
Again?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize