Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
