Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
