So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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