Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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