We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
