No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
