Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
