Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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