Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
